September 17, 2017

on the annals and ideals

By In quotations
“She knows these words. She is all words but she doesn’t know how to get out of words into being someone, being the person who knows the words.
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She is trying to understand what has happened to her and where she is and what it means to be who she is.
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She is first person and third person both.
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She is able to say what she feels and she is also the person who stands outside the feelings.
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The involutions, the mind drift.
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She is living within the grim limits of self.
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She is first person and third person with no way to join them together.
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She is the residue, all that is left of an identity.
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Is this the nightmare of self drawn so tight that she is trapped forever.
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She is not able to see herself, give herself a name, estimate the time since she began to think what she is thinking.
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Minutes, hours, days and years. Or is everything she knows contained in one timeless second.
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She tries to see words. Not the letters in the words but the words themselves.
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All the selves an individual possesses. What is left to her but a voice in the barest shedding.
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The words float past.
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Does she need third person. Let her live down in the soundings inside herself. Let her ask questions to no one but herself.
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On and on. Eyes closed. Woman’s body in a pod.”

DeLillo, D. (2017). Zero K. London: Picador.

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