November 11, 2016

to be a woman today. 11.9.16

By In lightly lyrical, musings

 

a new and inner burning.
a big fuck you to you
and who you think I should be.
This is the battle ground now.
It’s down here
and for that, what if it was all for the best
because now, you have to contend with all of this.
I am not the only one enraged and more engaged,
and we’re not to be trifled with.
My cleavage today
will fly free,
I’m owning it, in a different way.
With the overgrown eyebrows,
and hair pulled back tight.
Because today I’m not on display.
and if you’re going to look anyway
my anger will drive you away.
I’m not running now,
I’m raising and rearing up
against all the perceived slights
which are just slights
that aren’t slight.
But to call them one, is one,
that today I can’t stand.
Another day, I’ll do my nails
straighten my hair
pluck and pull
and the resultant beauty,
that kempt-ness you admire
will be part of my power.
But today?
I’m raw,
and I want nothing to do with you.
You’re in my way.
My hips,
their sway,
are not your feast
not today. 

You think I’m smiling?
Not at you anytime soon,  
the lines are drawn
refined to placate your patriarchy
and shirk your pity.
What if it was all for the best?
That the glass ceiling remained intact.
It was too high
but it’s here now
right where it, and we, need to be.
Because she could never
shatter it for me, truly.

The one we were all with…
well…the matter of fact is
wasn’t the one.
And we’ll have to take that as it is,
and we can.
Because we, and I, have an energy
and capacity you can’t comprehend.
For pleasure,
all the big O’s you’ll never know,
and pain,
the kind that gives birth,
to that mother’s love;
the first skin-to-skin contact kind
but don’t bring that to mind,
try matriarchal elephant,
mama bear,
hermaphrodite hyena,
I’m a mammal
and you’re in between me and mine.
Propriety doesn’t play here.
I’ve loved to be small,
light, vibrant, free.
That feminine kind of flighty
all that power held tight.
But today I’m huge,
tits swollen,
bloated,
head held high,
despite and in spite.
It would start today…
the power to create runs deep.

You may think we needed this
we didn’t
we don’t
you did.
Go on please,
solidify yourself as a common enemy,
lower the probability of perpetuating your genes.
Finally.
It’s time to evolute your lack of empathy
out of humanity.
the fatal flaw in your rationality
your inability to evolve.
You’re nothing without my creativity.
Following along with me?
Maybe I just want to believe:
Spike Lee and Aristophanes. 

Think Madusa,
Kali,
Ursula, octopi
my skin is breathing
my pores, my tentacles
full body consciousness
hearts abound and
senses heightened anew –
straight toward your scrutiny.
You’re on trial now
and today I’m merciless.
You dug this out of me,
from deep beneath my compassionate conditioning.
You’ve given me permission now,
to feel everything,
but don’t dare mistake this anger for hate,
or from your place of power,
tell me to breathe long and deep.
Though you’d like that wouldn’t you.
Because you can’t understand
that I can both see,
and love,
you and your suffering
and also see it fit to destroy
to birth something new
and better than you.

In this there is a finally,
a finally knowing you’re wrong.
And that in this state
you can’t stop me.
This was you’re doing,
I’ll forgive you,
easy,
you know not what you’ve done.
But this will be your undoing.

you know though,
these feelings,
they fluctuate.

 

1 Comment
  1. Carmen Searle November 12, 2016

    mmm…such a talented little thing, aren’t you? I love the faces of Fizzy. All of them. Especially the raw one.
    Now stop using the word ‘tits’. It always makes my jaw judder jubilantly and this isn’t the time or place 🙂

    Reply

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