“Whatever you do, in the privacy of your own rain shower, is your own business”
“The truth is that, no matter what kind of game you find yourself in, no matter how good or bad the luck, you can change your life completely with a single thought or a single act of love”
“I know now that when the loving, honest moment comes it should be seized, and spoken, because it may never come again. And unvoiced, unmoving, unlived in the things we declare from heart to heart, those true and real feelings wither and crumble in the remembering hand that tries too late to reach for them.”
There’s relief in a rain that comes down so hard so fast that you don’t have time to think about how a few drops or a downpour will affect your hair, make-up, or the computer you’re trying to keep dry under your permeable sweater. It’s cleansing to feel all the stress of these details washed away by factors above and beyond. And cleansing to feel the filth of a run that is generally washed off after being taken away before it has a chance to form. There’s strength to be drawn for the fact that our shoes and feet continue to find traction on slippery stable surfaces. And, pride to be gleaned from feeling like the only one braving the storm. And there are also those days when we watch from inside out and enjoy the fact that finally all that chaos is external and all that remains for us to do is take pleasure in the solid ground upon which our shelter is built, knowing that at least for the time being the role of the storm in a stagnant world is not ours.
I crave the rain, for now I want California and Brazil to be drenched. Situations such as this demand our surrender, something beyond our control indefinitely eludes us. A powerful reminder in and of itself, that our control can only extend so far and however easy it is to get caught up in the frustration of these limits, these situations that remind us must be embraced for their ability to effect a renunciation of this entitlement to complete control over our life and the environment within which it operates.
I’ve been embroiled recently in a battle of policy, a set of them so well constructed they are seemingly impossible to subvert or circumvent. I’ve been less than graceful in my endeavor to fight the ultimatum these policies have left me with, and I’m finding that this game, and the bad luck that defined my role in it has created as storm of stress, and while what I do within this self inflicted storm is my own business,it’s been destructively billowing out, and I’ve reached the point of surrender. The point at which it feels healthier to cultivate compassion for a system and person that care little for my best interest. The relief has left me striving to reduce the amount of time between sitting sullen in this internal strife and the single compassionate thought that releases all the harbored stress and negativity.